Ep. 72- Deb's Story
/In this emotionally candid episode, Deb joins Becky and Autumn on the Rise Up Restored podcast to share her profound journey of love, faith, and healing.
Deb introduces herself as a wife, mother of four, and a writer of clean and wholesome romance novels. She talks about her life growing up in a religious home, where she was taught that doing good brings blessings, while doing bad brings punishment. This foundational belief became central to her early relationship with God, though it created a rigid perspective that would challenge her later on.
Deb met her husband in college and he was someone she felt instantly comfortable with. While red flags emerged early in their relationship, such as struggles with communication and physical boundaries, Deb was unaware of the significance of these issues. After getting married, Deb found pornography on her husband's computer only three months into their marriage. Though he denied any previous encounters with it, Deb’s intuition told her otherwise. From there, a pattern of distrust, denial, and emotional manipulation emerged.
Throughout the years, Deb continued to sense something was wrong, but without concrete evidence, she was left in a state of constant unease. She attempted to confront her husband and even researched ways to detect dishonesty, but never found relief. Despite these efforts, Deb struggled to fully trust her instincts, internalizing the belief that something was wrong with her instead of recognizing the truth of her situation.
A turning point came when, during a church meeting, Deb felt a spiritual prompting, hearing the clear message: “Things are not right with this man.” However, Deb struggled to trust this feeling, as she gaslit herself into believing she was being a "bad wife" for doubting her husband. This moment marked a pivotal realization for Deb that she needed to trust herself and her intuition more. Eventually, Deb learned to balance faith with action, embarking on a path of healing and restoration.
Deb reflects on her journey of recovery, sharing the significance of reaching out for help during her darkest moments. She recalls the life-saving impact of friends like Becky, who offered unconditional love and wisdom. One of the key turning points was learning about her rights within her marriage and the importance of setting boundaries, which were essential tools in navigating her partner’s addiction.
Deb emphasizes the importance of healing in community, noting how isolating herself during difficult times only deepened her pain. Becky and Autumn echo this sentiment, reminding listeners that true healing often occurs when we share our burdens with others who can listen without judgment. All three women discuss the courage it takes to be vulnerable, especially when past attempts to share have led to unhelpful responses.
A pivotal moment for Deb came through reconnecting with her faith. During a challenging Christmas season, she experienced a profound spiritual message that assured her, “All will be restored.” This moment of clarity helped her realize that, though her path was uncertain, God’s plan for restoration was far greater than anything she could imagine. Throughout the episode, Deb shares how faith and specialized therapy were essential in her recovery process.
Finally, the conversation shifts to self-compassion and honesty. Deb acknowledges her own personal missteps, including an emotional affair, and reflects on the importance of taking accountability for her actions. She highlights the power of journaling, music, and therapy in her continued healing, while expressing gratitude for the deep relationship she has formed with Jesus Christ. "There is always hope," she concludes, offering a message of encouragement to those still on their path to restoration.
Deb’s Recovery Resources:
Setting Boundaries
Healing in Community
Self-compassion
Honesty
Journaling
Music
Therapy
Deb’s Song: “I am Light” by India Arie
