Ep. 44- Brianna's Story
/Becky and Tiffany welcome Brianna to share her story. Brianna loves to play and teach the piano. She likes to sew and lift heavy weights at the gym. She enjoys being at home with her four children and teaches group fitness classes at the gym. She has worked hard to discover her favorite things. She likes Mexican food, and her favorite color is blue! Brianna recently turned 40 and is loving this decade already. Her tattoo says, “Forget what hurt you. Never forget what it taught you.”
“I’m here to talk about Betrayal Trauma and healing from it, but really my story is my relationship with God.”
As a child, Brianna shares that she knew God was there. She wanted Him to love her, but she didn’t feel worthy of His love. She didn’t understand the gospel or know how to apply it to her life. Her prayers were filled with pleading for God to love her. She describes the aching hole in her heart that was never filled because she just didn’t understand.
At 17 years old, Brianna met her first husband and heard the Spirit whisper, “you’re going to marry Him.” So she did. Six months into their marriage, her husband stopped attending their church. Brianna attended by herself for a while then stopped attending as well to avoid hurting the relationship. She later learned that her first husband dealt with a pornography addiction and was in a relationship with a woman from work.
“I lost my faith in God completely. I felt so alone. No God would do this to me.”
Brianna describes one of the darkest moments in her life when she finally realized it was time for her to go. Her marriage ended when she was 26. She shares that she is grateful it ended, and she could move on.
After moving in with a friend, Brianna was introduced to her current husband. She says she was intrigued because he was open about being a sex addict and losing his first marriage. She also says she believed with every fiber of her being that he was really repressed sexually and once married the “sex addiction” would go away. When they got married, Brianna shares that she had a profound witness of Satan and her realization that:
“If Satan is real, then God must be real”
Brianna says did not want to think about that too much, and life moved forward. After having their first child, her husband began acting out and treating her poorly. Brianna says he believed his sex addiction morphed into a spending addiction. They attended group therapy at LifeStar for a year, and Brianna felt like she didn’t need to be there. Her qualified therapist gently insisted she continue therapy, so she did. Brianna shares that she tried bargaining with God, and that God showed up!
“God was so patient with me. He fought for my heart the whole time.”
As she started attending her church again, Briana shares that she had the support of a friend when meeting with her ecclesiastic leader. Becky reiterates how helpful that can be to provide support and a witness.
Brianna shares that she was led by the spirit to discover her husband in a parking lot. When he refused to share his phone, Brianna asked for a full disclosure. Because of her narcolepsy, it needed to happen quickly: in one week. Becky reminds the listeners that disclosure looks different for each individual, and that having very little preparation for disclosure would be difficult for both parties.
“Disclosure was the hardest day of my life. It felt like an atomic bomb had gone off on me. I had no idea.”
Brianna says that her pain was so intense she prayed for God to take her home. She also shares that in Betrayal Trauma, women feel such deep and intense pain and anger. Becky validates that anger is completely normal and expected in betrayal trauma. It is a natural part of the process. Becky reiterates the need to process it in healthy ways so it can move through us.
“The pain is real. It hurts. It’s deep. I don’t need to compare with yours.”
Following disclosure, Brianna describes some of her attempts to create safety by controlling her husband’s behavior. She says that he started showing signs of recovery, but she was only getting sicker. After an invitation to attend SA Lifeline 12 step meetings, Brianna shares that her recovery really started. She says that she started working all of her tools and started to trust God.
“I know God will tell me what to do”
Brianna describes realizing that her recovery needed to be in all aspects of her life: parenting, neighbors, friends, family… She says she realized her recovery was her own, and that it was important to recognize when Satan was working to disrupt her peace. As she worked with her ecclesiastic leader, he reminded her that the Savior has offered to “take my yoke upon you… for my rest is easy and my burden is light.” She describes the moment when she knelt in prayer, feeling heavily burdened, and that it was instantly gone.
“I felt free. I felt whole. I felt redeemed. The power of Christ healed me.”
“God’s been fighting for my heart this whole time.”
Brianna witnesses that as she looks back over difficult things in her life from a different lens, she can see the angels and people put into her life. She shares that her life is full of chess pieces lined up by the Master chess player.
“I’m in awe that He cares so much about me, and He cares about *all* of us.”
Today Brianna shares that she and her husband share a special bond and their relationship feels like sacred ground. Her husband is now a therapist at LifeStar Therapy, helping others struggling with sex addiction, and they speak together to clergy and people seeking recovery. She says, “If the Spirit told me to leave him, I would. And we would be okay. When you’re willing to face that and you’re willing to surrender and just trust the process, miracles happen in recovery.”
“I feel like it’s just the beginning of my story now.”
Brianna’s Recovery Resources:
SA Lifeline 12 Step Meetings (not coed!)
Qualified therapy
LifeStar group therapy
*Safe* clergy
Living and Loving after Betrayal by Steven Stosny
Your Sexually Addicted Spouse by Barbara Steffens and Marsha Means
Listening to God
Brianna’s Song:
“Slow Down” by Sissel
