Ep. 49- Emily's Story

Becky and Tiffany sit down with Emily to share her story. Emily is a single mom to five boys and loves to play pickleball.

Emily shares how, as she grew up, she felt God’s presence in her life, despite the perfectionism she adopted at an early age. She feels fortunate to have always had a believing heart.

After discovering her husband had resumed porn usage early on in their marriage, Emily shares that she buried the pain and lived in a state of denial—she couldn’t put into words that she’d been betrayed. She didn’t tell anyone about what she was going through.

Over time, Emily began wondering if her husband’s problematic and odd behaviors had to do with a continuing pornography problem. Ten years into the marriage, he told her he had a porn addiction. They immediately began attending addiction meetings, and Emily appreciated the connection she found there.

She shares how engaging in therapy was vital to her healing journey, and it was there she began learning about boundaries.

I don’t think I experienced true peace until I started using boundaries, even though my husband pushed back on every boundary.

Emily explains how it didn’t take long for her husband to confess to more acting out behaviors. The abuse escalated the more she employed boundaries to protect herself.

I felt like a walking zombie—just numb and in shock. I was a puddle on the bathroom floor.

Slowly, Emily began coming out of the isolation and started talking with loved ones about what she was going through. She began sharing in groups more authentically and found a therapist who was trained in betrayal trauma.

Emily describes how her prayers changed. Instead of keeping back the parts of her that weren’t perfect—her faults and weaknesses—she began sharing with God all of the pain and anguish.

I could really feel God sitting there with me in the pain.

Emily explains how her SALifeline group supported her through separations from her husband. When she felt prompted to have another baby, she underwent the surrender process to accept this message from the Lord. A friend shared an inspiring thought:

“You can never go wrong when you follow God.”

The pregnancy became a clarifying piece for Emily. “Because I had this baby,” Emily says, “the Lord was able to show me just how awful [the abuse in her marriage] was.” During the pregnancy, Emily’s husband asked for a divorce. Emily felt that the Savior provided SALifeline to be a key part of her recovery through this difficult time.

When asked at what point the weight of the abuse and divorce started to lift and the light came in, Emily says, “When I physically moved my things out of our home, when I felt that physical separation, that’s when I felt the burden lift. That’s when I felt freedom.”

Emily shares how meditation has changed her life. Involving Jesus Christ in the meditations has been particularly powerful because she can imagine Him taking her box of pain from her and then returning with love and light.

Emily describes her restoration through Christ:

”The Lord gives me strength every day. My heart is truly healed.”

Emily’s best recovery resources:

Prayer and meditation

Therapy with Utah Valley Counseling

SALifeline

Connecting with others who are divorced

Pickleball for moving through trauma that becomes stuck in her body

Emily’s song of choice:

“Abide with Me, ‘Tis Eventide”

If you or someone you know if experiencing domestic violence or abuse, please reach out for help and know you are not alone.

-National Domestic Violence Hotline: 800-799-7233